NARRATIVE: A story shaped life

Firstly, I hope this is not an egregious plagiaristic effort vis a vis Bob Osborne's insightful message at WKC. Bob, if you ever read this....maybe we should write this book together.

I love stories. That said, it is the cinematic story that most captures my imagination, soul and spirit. I've written about 7-8 full length screenplays (1 shot), the last one about 3 years ago. As a crash course reference, typically there are 90 pages to a script, each page representing 1 minute of screentime.

It is amazing how true this holds, whether it is a script for Transformers or for a Woody Allen flick, the rule of thumb holds true. I analogize this with a person of action, outdoorsy adventure type, or a contemplative philosopher, musing and dialoguing.

So we too have a narrative. The story of our lives. Like a classic story, we have a beginning, middle & end. At least in our 90 (let's hope) years upon this earth. Some of us may be a short story, and some of us will be 3 hour epics (OK 180 years is a long time!)

As plot development goes, Act 1: the beginning is in the first 10-20 minutes. It sets up the protagonist (the main character); their character, their motivations. So it is with us: from conception to adulthood; formative, foundational.

Act 2: the middle. Full of conflict, developments, ups and downs. Frequently with a building excitement. Multiple story arcs; threaded in; subtexts: underlying tensions and driving forces. The the climax, and also perhaps a big gloom......right before the happy, or unhappy ending. It occupies 50-60 minutes. By time the majority of the story..not necessarily by intensity. Typically the part of a movie, if not well written, might get lost, might forget what type of movie it is, might get boring and repetitive.

Act 3: the end. Typically with much resolution, tying up loose ends, looking towards the future. Sometimes ending in joy, or despair. Mostly, the effects of Act 1 and 2 coming to a satisfying or often unsatisfying culmination. Some with great "payoffs", some leaving you hanging....with only questions.

So people often say that there is a "book in everyone of us", I say that we intentionally and accidentally create a story of our own, with our life, with its own narrative, its quirks and incidents, its profound and mundane episodes.

So what is your narrative: action-adventure? drama? comedy? tragedy? thriller? What is your story shaped life?

Upgrade: Introduction

On a related diversion from Belonging and Significance, I am increasingly aware of our search for the Upgrade. They feed on our need for belonging and significance.

That word upgrade may conjure up legroom, champagne, a flight attendant who isn't an old grumpy witch, there are smiles, whether eyes are opened or closed, beds that lay flat rather than being squeezed between two obese travelers.

It's a classic extension of the class system. Virgin actually calls it Upper Class....straight to the point...the lounge, the manicure, the massage, the limousine to and from...oh it's a bit of rock star heaven wrapped up in an 18 hour journey. You belong to Upper Class, you are significant in Upper Class.

A.B.C. Bronze/Silver/Gold/Platinum/Black/Titanium.....1st, 2nd, 3rd.

Incremental Revolutions are what they seem. To get past that threshold has the promise of an almost alternate reality. Some subtle changes, leading to the promise of so, so, so much more.

Upgrade. Our house, our car, our spouse, our bodies, our life.

The corner office. The house on the lake. The hotel suite.

We dare not believe in total transformation. But an upgrade. We can believe in that.

GRIEF

I spent 80+ days with my in-laws since March. I stay with them, when I go near them for business, once or twice a month. It's a notably large amount of time to spend with one's in-laws, and for some it might not be a desired activity, but for me it has been an unusual blessing.  Made all the more poignant by the fact that my father-in-law passed away on October 7, 2009.

A man, many know by his accomplishments, but I know by his character and humanity. A man who cheated death numerous times, most recently making a miraculous recovery from March onwards (his heart stopped for 2 minutes in heart surgery). A man who died suddenly in his son's arms, 4 days after his 50th anniversary.

I grieve that he is no longer there, when I visit. I will sit, as I did this past week, and have dinner with my mother-in-law, an empty chair painfully obvious, the conversation less lively, the talk mainly of memories.

I grieve, for his daughter, my wife, misses him so. His grandchildren, who speak daily of loss, even my little 4 year old girl. Her "I love you daddy" is followed often by "grandpa died...."

I grieve that heaven's gain, seems a disproportionate loss on earth.

I grieve, because I catch myself in moments of joy, laughter and brevity.....and his loss springs back...top of mind....my smile fades...I grow suddenly quiet....

I grieve, because inexplicable triggers manifest....I find myself feeling like I've cried for hours...when I haven't shed a tear at all...when the gap left by a person seems impossibly large.

I grieve not to cope, but as the only option left to me. For denial, or "getting over it" seems foolish and trite. So I face the freight train, horns blaring....I can survive this collision with deep emotion again...like a crashing wave.

I grieve.